I have been a single parent this weekend. Becky has gone to Atlanta for a conference so Jon Alex and I are "batching it." Whenever I spend a few days alone with Jon Alex it always breaks my heart anew for all of you single parents trying to raise a special needs child by yourself. I want you all to know that you are truly heros whose sacrifice, devotion, and dying to yourself does not go unnoticed. Yesterday I could tell that Jon Alex just wasn't himself. Because he is non-verbal and can't talk, he couldn't tell me what was wrong.
But I knew something wasn't right.
In the evening he began to get a little fussy and slightly agitated.
Missing his mommy? Stomach ache? Overly tired? Overly stimulated? He can't tell me.
Before bed I gave him a warm bath. I've mentioned before how much he loves to be sung to while he is in the bathtub.
Actually he loves to be sung to anytime. He's always loved it when we sing to him and it often has a calming power when nothing else works.
So we got his pajamas on and I carried him into his bed. He still just couldn't settle down. Something was bothering him and he couldn't find peace. I was wrecked because I wanted to help and he could not communicate to me what was going on.
I wrapped my arms around him and I began whispering in his ears. I told him how much I loved him and how special he is to me just the way he is simply because he is my son. I told him how proud I was of him and that I would watch over him all night. I let him know I was there to take care of him and fill his every need and he had nothing to worry or be afraid about.
Finally I began to sing over him. Softly and gently.
Then he curled up, rolled over, and fell into a deep sleep.
How many times have I laid there at night all messed up? Something not right in my world, something that I will wrestle with and battle all night never finding peace, while God watches. Desiring with all of heaven for me to just desire to talk to him. Desiring to tell me how he loves me unconditionally, will supply my every need, take away my fears, and sit with me all night if I need Him. And yet I'm too worked up or tired to approach Him.
If only I'd ask. If only I'd stop and let Him whisper in my ear reminding me of who I am in Him.
He'll sing over me too. And you. Did you know that?
"The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you; he will exult over you with loud singing." (Zephaniah 3:17)
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