Yesterday I was so looking forward to what I was going to share in Elevate. In my head I had known for days what I was going to write about and planned to do so as soon as I got home Thursday night.
But that will have to wait until my next posting.
On my way home Becky called me on my cell phone and was pouring out her heart about the bad day she was having. And to make it worse, in the middle of our conversation my phone battery died.
When I got home I could tell when I walked in that it had been a long day. Her day began at 5:30 am when Jon Alex decided to wake us all up. Being unable to talk, he made it clear by his fussing and crying that his breakfast wasn't coming fast enough to his satisfaction as well. It was an extremely windy day in our town on top of that and Jon Alex just doesn't handle wind. He freezes up, refuses to move, and even struggles to breath properly when he feels strong winds against his body. So getting him to the car and then on into school was an arduous ordeal to say the least.
The next few hours were a mad dash to get everything done she needed to do in order to take care of his needs and our household as well. Then came the note.
A therapist at school had sent a note questioning how well Jon Alex was doing at home in a particular area of emphasis. That was the breaking point. With all the therapies, special diet needs, the 24/7 care he requires, and the assistance he needs with every single thing in his life, sometimes Becky just feels overwhelmed.
There is so much to be done and so little time to do it all. It can be really easy for parents of special needs kids to feel guilty, inadequate, and completely mired down in their circumstances sometimes. You desire to do so much for your child but there are only so many hours in a day.
I also realize that 8 out of every 10 children with special needs are being raised by single female caregivers.
I know you reach your breaking point sometimes. How you use your pillow to muffle the sounds of your own crying. How you hide in your closet and stifle your voice because you want to scream. How you sometimes want to get in your car and just get away. How you sit in absolute exhaustion unable to find the energy to even lift your head. How you smile on the outside to mask the fact that you are dying on the inside.
How you sometimes feel like no one understands, can imagine, or even gets what your life is like.
I just want to use this Valentine's Day weekend to tell you that it is not unnoticed.
God captures your tears in a bottle. God hears your silent screams. And when you feel like no one understands your life, please know that He does. He has not left you or abandoned you. He has chosen you.
That's right. He has chosen you.
Before the beginning of time God says all the days of your life were ordained and written down before on of them came to pass. And even though your walk in life and the journey you are on are so different and so challenging- you were chosen to receive the blessing of you special needs child.
It isn't punishment. It isn't anything you did. It is an honor. And he chose you to receive the blessing. He will give you the strength, mercy, and power you need to persevere. Because you were chosen to be HIS hands, HIS arms, HIS heart, HIS voice, and HIS face to your child with special needs. You are His valentine to your child.
This Valentine's Day your child may not be able to make you a card. They may not be able to hug you, talk to you, or even be able to express or acknowledge their feelings for you. Other moms and dads may receive more more tangible expressions of love than you'll ever receive.
Just remember. Just as you love your child unconditionally, God says He loves you with an everlasting love as well.
You were chosen.